[poetry] reality develops slowly….

reality develops slowly, unlike dreams that unravel like fast trains under the sun
we are soft shadows underneath the harsh light
the moon bright above our cruel fates, watching always
maybe it’s too late to turn any words into water after all
I was never a magician, I just liked to play with magic and got careless
now the words run away from the page and I lost the thread
that moment of suspension in the edge of the page
I feel like an emptied oyster, swept by the summer waves, carried away
it’s uneven this soul I carry on a frail body that you can snap with your finger
and even if my feet runaway from my execution my heart will lead me to death
even if my death just brings me closer to pain even if it brings me closer
to the things I held at arm’s length, trying hard to hide from that flame
that reduced to ashes any hope I had of a future without clouds
what a storm, what a storm you have brought into my world
what raging thunder, mesmerizing lightning, I love the danger
the danger of being one step closer than I should
the noise still haunts my ears like a muscle memory, it keeps scratching
playing on the strings of my heart, violent violin music
and so it develops slowly, like reality, while in the dream the capsule
of my nightmares keeps growing like the plant inside my stomach
untill it consumes me and turns me into dirt



[poetry] i have been wondering if

i have been wondering if maybe
there’s another time or another place
if there is another chance
if there is another ending that will meet us
on those alleyways of green grass
on a world with no beginning and no end

i have been wondering if maybe
we could hold the hands of the wind
and be reborn on other bodies
and surrender to the call of the waves
maybe there is another world
there is another path that would lead to us
on those roads of melting tears
on a universe made of your stars

i have been wondering if maybe
i am making all the wrong choices
maybe i shouldn’t let go of you
like dandellion i let you go into the wind
and now your seeds are lost in the world
i wanted to stay just a bit longer
just to keep this lie
perpetually alive
with you

[poetry] wrong love

I rewrote this around ten times but here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

honey, you were bitter

sweetness lost on brown eyes
always lowered, never facing me
as if turning away to a light
brighter than I could ever be

i tried to erase this amoral love
cleanse it of the face of the earth
you – a rose that only lasted an hour
the scent you left was strangely sour

on these lonely beaches of the south
haunted by memories of a better day
by things i didn’t or couldn’t say
and just your face brings me to tears
even though you aren’t near

how can i stop speaking lies?
if i tell you the truth
you will hate me for the rest of our lives

so my love can only exist here
between these crooked lines
far from your bitter brown eyes
far from the world where you reside

because it’s wrong, honey
– a wrong love

[poetry] dream

a dream becomes a nightmare
when you wake up and realize
it wasn’t real


the fire burns
the glass
drops of acid fall
on my eyelash

I see you through
a dirty mirror contemplating
my fate
the unending days the unending nights
the shadows the lights
what faith?

I lost myself
on an attempted redemption
or a tender temptation
abandoned on stone gardens
between the corpses of my dreams
I see your face, angel

I will bring this dream
to reality
create and recreate it
birth it out of my mind

with all the silent cruelty
captured on your smile


a dream is
the small madness that resides in the dark

[poetry] I can’t write anymore

I can’t write anymore
there is too much pain to even put words together on a sentence
all my words escape and become pain all my words escape
and become the fuel of my darkness I can’t breathe on this place
the air has become ripen with dead fruit and I can’t breathe
even when the angels sing in my ears I still can’t breathe
all the promises I made to myself fall apart so easily
fall apart like the house of cards that I am
I am a little tormented broken idiot
and you always knew that and now your face
is not your face anymore it’s just a shadow
and that last last last trip the noise of the subway remember

dammit I can’t write anymore
but remember? the noise of the subway
why couldn’t I say anything why couldn’t I
but what would I say when there was nothing to salvage there
it was a hole on the world a hole on the sky
and even the stars cried when I set foot on the station
because now it’s over what has never begun
slowly I fall without falling because even places to fall
I have lost them slowly I swim without swimming
I am dry of words all those words I used to swim in!

I can’t write anymore
And I really wanted to write about you

liar liar liar liar

lying is so fucking easy

it’s like stealing fucking candy from a fucking child in a fucking summer day fuck it fuck me i’m fucking dizzy i shouldn’t have drunk that glass of wine fuck it whatever lying is so fucking easy i lie to my parents i lie to my friends i lie to myself i lie to everyone i need to read more more more books poetry non fiction but i am full of nothings i am full of non actions i have to perform i have to decode i have to do why why why i am a fucking liar i am a fucking liar and you know it

[poetry] to you

delusion on the feet of an unspeakable pain
cries of a scorched soul
maybe i will see you on the end of this road
untill the sun speaks of our lies of our hidden love
that could never exist outside of my mind
i guess this is goodbye
the final lines that are written the epilogue
and we were nothing nothing nothing
and that consumes my very being to the bone
the image of the darkness the pale figure that danced
to the sound of nat king cole hugging her
own body learning how to dance with herself
when she can only dance with a pair
but we couldn’t be
i guess the universe was the wrong one
and the depth of my love was as shallow as a puddle
and the light only lasted for a candle life
brilliantly weak
and my mouth can only speak half truth
and my lips can only touch the stones of the sidewalk
and my hands are slaves of my words
and my brain is the ultimate curse the binder
the truth-teller the truth seeker
you know it! you know it you son of Lucifer
you set my world on fire and now i need to learn
what water means in all the languages
give me your cold embrace and save me from death
or spare me and kill me right now
this very moment before the night sinks in
and all that is left is your memory


[poetry] void

hold me
hold me like you would hold a rose
hold me like you would hold the most precious of jewels
why do i feel so absent?
so not here so not there
so not alive
so not dead
i’m out of tune yes
yes i’m void
void void void void void
i’m vacuum
i just ask you to hold me
you or anyone
i just ask you to be here
or there or anywhere
i just ask to be less alone
is that so much?
what am i other
than just lifeless paper?
yes honey i’m void

[poetry] summer

i don't want summer to come
i don't want to feel the softness of the sand
i don't want to bathe my face in sunlight
i don't want to baptize in the ocean
i don't want to see the orange sunset of an august day
i don't want to walk between olive trees
i don't want summer to come

because then i'll be alone

[poetry] queen of chaos

do I care?
do I care for others?
do you care?
do you care about me?
does anyone?
what I’m doing here?
why am I doing here?
why not somewhere else?
why not someone else?
can I restart?
can I borrow another mind?
where’s my rental service
for the mind?
where’s my way out?
where’s the thread
that will lead me away
from the labyrinth?
you built this
I built this
we are this
I am this mess, chaos
chaotic kingdom of nowhere
and I belive in this violence
more and more and more
untill it becomes a type of dust
that I can no longer taste